A story from a while ago; it started in November.

One afternoon I had once again fallen asleep in front of the tv. When I woke up it was dark already and I decided it was time to sleep properly. As I walked into the bedroom, I found Aleksandr sitting on the divan, with a bare torso, rubbing his back. I came closer and noticed he was actually putting a kind of crème on the scars on his back.

I saw how difficult it was for him to do this, so I walked up to him, took the tube and began creaming his back.

»I didn’t know you still have to do this«, I said quietly, »Why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped you with it far earlier.«

»I didn’t want you to see«, Alek replied. His voice was unreadable.

»Why so?«

»I did not want you to think of this at all. I wished I could have prevented you from learning about it altogether.«

He hid them for a long time, but, eventually, he couldn’t do it forever. There are a lot of scars on Alek’s back, some quite invisible, some stronger, some healed, some very deep.
Aleksandr was sent into the Chechen war while he was serving his two-year compulsory military service in the Russian army. There he got the scars from.
He told me these two sentences when I first asked him, after having seen them. He never addressed the topic. When I once mentioned it to Gavriel, he could only shrug and told me that Alek had never spoken about anything that had happened in Chechnya. Gavriel knew what nightmare our army was, and how much everyone dreaded to be sent to a war, and what horror was experienced there, but he knew nothing about Alek. They tried to talk to him when he came back then, but he refused, and made clear he did not want the topic to ever be brought up again.

»But ... I should know about it, shouldn’t I? You should be able to tell me anything.«

He turned his face to me.

»And are you able to handle anything I tell you?« He was clearly being cynical. It hurt. »Some things should better remain untold.«

»If you don’t want to speak about it, I of course don’t want to force you.« I continued with the creaming. »Just, when you need anything - me helping you putting lotion on, or whatever it might be - please tell me. And yes, I am ready to listen to anything you say, no matter what it is.« I was finished with the crème. I fleetingly kissed his back.

»I did horrible things, Lara«, he suddenly said. »I am afraid if I tell you, you will not be able to look at me again. You will be disgusted.« He laughed outright. »And how could you not?«

»What are you talking Alek ...« I didn’t know what to say.

»I know you have heard me waking up yelling, you really do not want to know about all this.«

»I wish you’d feel you could tell me«, I said, »Because I’m with you no matter what. If you don’t want to, it’s perfectly fine. But if you do want once, I’m right here.« I got up and wanted to go, when Alek said,

»Give me some time, Lara, please, I cannot —«

»No, don’t apologise! Don’t feel like you need to explain to me, you really don’t have to. I only wanted you to know there is nothing you have to be hiding away from me.«

»Thank you.« He showed a swift smile. »I will tell you later.«



I had noticed the restless sleep Alek has sometimes. At times he would turn and toss in bed, clench his fists and teeth, and eventually wake up, startled, with his upper body bold upright, his eyes wide open and his breath uneven.
He would leave the bedroom and not go back to sleep that night, and mostly the following night as well. The first time I experienced it, I asked if he needed anything, but he quickly ward me off. The next time it was the same, and I comprehended I was not supposed to say or do anything at all. So I didn’t.

But after I had begun to take care of Alek’s wounds, I couldn’t ignore it when the same thing happened a while later. I grasped his arm when he was about to get out of the bed, and swiftly pulled him back in. In the first moment he’d resist, but in a second he let loose and slowly turned to me. It looked as though he wanted to say something, but couldn’t; I just shook my head silently and clung to him. His head on my shoulder, my hand in his hair, his arms around my waist, we would listen to each other’s breath until we fell asleep.


Every once in a while it would happen, and now he wouldn’t jump out of the bed, but pull me to him, and we would cling to each other for the rest of the night. Still, we never talked, and it was fine.
After some time, one night, instead of listening to the silence, Alek said,

»I am a murderer, Lara.«

I didn’t say anything, I held on to him more tightly.


Another night he said,

»I am also a renegade.«

And later, he said more, and then more, and eventually he would tell me.

We didn’t stop clinging to each other since.

* This was difficult, and that is why I have never put this story up. I contemplated this for a long time, but eventually I did not change Alek's words at the end.

Dearest loveliest friends,

Can you even put up with me anymore? I don’t even dare to tell you I will better myself, as I frankly can’t! How have you been? I am back at home for a little over a week now, after a crazily hectic spring, and right now I’m just enjoying it; being in Vienna, having the friends around, running late to uni and on deadlines, and being with Alek after we have been apart for a month, or rather, as it feels, for an eternity.

This is what I’ve been up to all the time: I interned at a large publishing house in April/May thanks to one of my professor’s recommendation, with university and a few professional and personal appointments in between, then almost immediately after finishing the internship I left for London for a couple of days, from there then I went to Washington DC (no kidding! :D) for a 3 weeks course on US politics – where I actually met with and talked to politicians, representatives and officials. It has been a crazy, simply amazing experience. I have never been to the USA before, and I am still in awe with everything I have seen and done. I’ve met a lot of amazing people from all over the world (we were a group of twenty people), had incredible professors and all over just an awesome awesome time. I had the whole ‘American Pie’ experience, as my friends suggested it, with living in a dorm for the first time in my life, having a roommate from South America, drinking illegally with the others in one of the dorm rooms (I’m not 21 yet hahaha!), being at Seveneleven (gosh, this is so the place Beavis and Butthead spend all their time at!), eating burritos at Chipotle (YES!), and just doing what you do in the United States :)

After the 3 weeks I was in the UK for a few days, before heading back to Vienna and that’s where I am right now – and where I’m staying :) As much as I loved the US, and no matter how much I’m into London, it just felt so right coming back to Vienna, I realise more and more how much I love it here. Despite the fact I was arriving at around 11am local time, Alek awaited me at the airport, which I absolutely hadn’t expected (it was Wednesday I think), with a huge bouquet of my favourite flowers. I loved the cheesy scene we showed, as I ran up to him and fell into his arms, and I couldn’t stop laughing when he actually swirled me around.

Ever since, I’ve been a terribly lazy ass, with just having been to university a couple of times, and postponing all my exams. I am running out of the jetlag excuse as I still sleep in after being back for a while now, but I can’t help it in our huge, amazing, incredibly comfortable bed I had always been in love with, but have fallen for even more since I have experienced a good old fashioned dorm/military bed. As I am such a bad student these days I figured I could at last be a good wife, and so I have developed the tradition of awaiting Aleksandr with a fancy drink and a fancy dinner when he comes back from work. Since it’s just so hot outside (even though I have very high tolerance now, as we had an unbelievable heat wave in DC) I stay in all day, re-watching sitcom episodes and drinking about 2 litres of soda with mashed lemon, lime and oranges in it every day.

So this is it right now. As I’m typing, I’m sitting in our lounge, sipping on yet another coke, with the balcony door wide open, music on, and just feeling incredibly lucky and happy, as I have felt the whole past time and especially the last few days. Life is very good right now, which I am so thankful for. Alek is out drinking with his friends while I have Sex and the City episodes running in the background. He had a good laugh about me being glad having returned to officially being a grown-up again; I couldn’t buy anything to drink or enter a club in the States, which was somewhat traumatising; Alek however finds it hilarious, so he was reminded of mocking me for ‘being a minor’ again. I however am just glad being able to order a gin tonic again! :D

My father and my sister have been over one weekend, as I haven’t seen them in a few months; and in fact it was the first time he had visited me in Vienna. I was overly excited (or rather nervous) about it, but Alek had arranged for them to have a great time, which they did have. My dad was a bit irritated with our apartment, as I had expected – he doesn’t exactly like lavish things, and he commented on what a large place this was for just two people and how everything was unnecessarily luxurious, on which Alek replied he completely understood and he was on the same page with him, but Natalia hadn’t left us any choice but to leave the furnishing to her and her favourite interior magazines; and also, for the size, perhaps it wouldn’t be just us two all along. My dad beamed at me when he heard this and Misha couldn’t hold back a chuckle. My father and Aleksandr get along extraordinary well anyway (how else could it be?) and so we all had a terrific time. Again I was struck with how much attention Alek pays to every detail, with remembering my dad was a bit picky with food, and so on.

We also had another guest staying at our place recently; it was one of Aleksandr’s cousins, whom I hadn’t had met yet. His cousin Yuri (second cousin) is just a bit older than I, and hadn’t visited Vienna before, so I showed him around, and made sure for him to have a great experience of Vienna’s nightlife with a few friends of ours. The next morning (or rather, noon), as we all set at the breakfast table, with our traditional huge after-going-out early afternoon brunch thing, Yuri said something I found very remarkable; after we had discussed the evening and he said what a great time he had, he’d say,

“You guys are so good together, it’s quite unbelievable.”

“What do you mean?”, I laughed.

“You should have seen Aleksandr with his girlfriends … you couldn’t watch them, but you two are perfect!”

Before I could say anything, my friend R threw in,

“Well, I had to watch those two once, they’re so perfect together they can barely keep their clothes on once in the bedroom!”

The whole table cracked up.

“What the hell, we were changing! Jesus! You didn’t even knock!”

“Changing, oh yeah? And what about the lacy hold ups?” We all just kept on laughing.

“What about them? I happened to wear stockings that day!”

“To the opera?”

“Yes to the opera!” We had all gone to the opera one time, when Anna Netrebko was in a piece (it’s not what we usually do haha), and as it was on a week day, it was difficult for the guys to get home, so they stayed at our place since it’s walking distance; R had walked in on me and Alek in our bedroom when we were changing, I was in my underwear and Alek was shirtless; nevertheless R couldn’t be stopped from telling and re-telling the story on how we barely even noticed her due to being so busy.

“Seems you had planned out a whole opera on your own beforehand”, she murmured with a bite of her bagel and with some last laughter we finally closed the story.

I have one exam left next week, as well as an interview for an interning position. After that I’ll pay my sister a quick visit, and soon thereafter we’re heading to St Petersburg and then to Tuscany. I can say I’m simply thrilled.

I have some stuff to post, which I promise I will do in the next few days :)

Having a look at the blog since what seems forever and realising the last post was from late January honestly shocked me. I never wanted to give this up, but I have barely sat down to write anything lately. Things are so smooth and easy and life is so perfect I hardly dare to even think about it.

I have successfully finished the last semester in both Theatre Arts and Politics, and this semester I’m taking a number of very interesting tutorials and seminars. However, I am taking on less tasks now, as I was offered a place in a one month studying abroad course in Washington D.C. for my politics studies. As the departing city for the group of international students is London, I will spend a few days prior and after at my aunt’s near London. Additionally I have some interviews for internships in a publishing house and others ... also, the days are warmer and longer and Alek and I enjoy the sun on evening walks and sitting in Vienna’s coffee shops.

We had a funny moment weeks ago, on Valentine’ s Day, which I wanted to write about for a while now. I was on semester break, sleeping in and spending most of the days tucked away under a blanket in front of the tv on our beloved couch, eating Chinese food and ice cream. One Monday Alek came home pretty late, dropping down on the sofa with a deep sigh about how work had been rough that day. We were watching sitcoms quietly, when some Valentine’s ads came up. First, I did not get it at all—Alek said, “What the—”, then he was silent for some seconds, and then he threw a look at me.

“What is it?”, I asked confused.

“Today is Valentine’s Day.”

“Oh ... really?” I have to admit, I have no idea what date it is when I don’t have university obligations. “I had no idea.”

“Me neither. I have no gift for you.”

“Come on!” I laughed about the rueful tone in his voice. “It’s just a spending day invented by the large flowers and chocolate ... flowerchocolate corporations.”

“You are not mad?”

“Please, you are insulting me.”

“Are you sure?” He obviously still didn’t believe it.

“Of course I am, jeez, man, relax!”, I mimicked and we both laughed. “No honestly, I’m perfectly content.”

“So how can I make this up?”, he asked.

“Make it up? You want me to punish you?” I burst into laughter.

“Whatever you want.”

“I really don’t want anything. Oh wait.” I shot him a gleeful look. “I really really feel like kebab, but I have my pajamas on already ... or rather, still.”

“Are you serious?”

“I most definitely am.”

“Alright”, he sighed and got up. “It is kind of easy to make you happy.”

“It sure is”, I laughed.

I enjoyed dinner that evening, but still, the next day Alek told me the story of the incredulous co-workers after he had told the Valentine’s story.

“Tss ... those guys clearly don’t understand real romance”, I commented, and Alek agreed.

But, of course, this is not the end of the story. Aleksandr had had an idea, a real stunner, which, I have to say, actually is much greater than a kebab. Thanks to him, in the summer holidays I will show my closest friends my home town for the first time (I know the guys for about fifteen years and so far this never occurred to me) and after a week in Petersburg, we will spend a month in a rented house in Tuscany, along with some friends of Alek’s.

I can’t put into words how excited I am about this summer—we will take a plane to Russia, but from there we’re heading to Italy with two cars; a real road trip! This is a dream of mine, which I have never considered a real possibility – not until Alek surprised me with it. It is incredible how well he knows me – I love flying, but nothing beats a road trip, ever.

So this is how it is these days. I recently cleaned up our terrace and made it summer-ready, and on the beautifully sunny Sunday Aleksandr and I payed the Naschmarkt a visit after quite a while of absence, stocking up on fresh produce, cheese and spices. I have all my lectures quite lately in the evening, so when I walk home, it is about sunset and still warm. Every day I was walking home in the evening’s fresh air, I couldn’t help but think how beautiful life is and how happy I am.

It’s been so long again. I can honestly say I’m going crazy with the amount of university work I have (neglected) but now I have to finish everything in time! I always promise myself to never ever ever post-pone things so long, but in the end I’m panicking in the very least minutes until deadline.

Just recently ago I was hacking onto the keyboard all evening like crazy; I had written 13 pages in about four hours in a mad redbull frenzy; it was the deadline day and Alek was laughing at me for reading over 50 pages of literature and writing a 13 page paper based on this in less than a day – only it wasn’t funny at all, not for me at least. Especially when it was eight minutes to midnight and my rotten laptop decided to go on strike, I had a mild breakdown (it was the only chance to finish this lecture this semester in order to be able to continue studying next semester) – but the shiny hero Aleksandr jumped to action and took matters in his own hands. He managed to transfer the file to his computer and upload it in time. It was like the apocalypse scenario at the end of a 3-hour-movie where it’s clear everyone will die ... but in the end the protagonist manages to turn everything around.

So in the meantime my laptop completely and utterly died on me. Honestly, he didn’t deserve better, he had let me down on every single occasion lol.


So the next two weeks will be filled with night shifts of studying. For as much as Alek helped me on the uploading-paper-thing (alright, he saved my life!), he’s not much of a help when he’d come into the study every half hour, telling me I should finally go to bed since he’s been waiting for hours haha. Well, he does help when I ask him, he actually helps a lot :D

Confused writing since I’m still in my adrenaline haze! Just wanted to finally update before I’m back to emeritus status.


Vienna is so sunny and warm these days, as if it was spring already. It’s weird since not so long ago we had almost 3 feet of snow on our balcony. This December has been wonderful and quiet; the days were filled with cookies, cake, pies, glühwein, hot punch, sitting in front of the tv and laying in bed forever. It was all very different from last year. For Christmas we decided we would spend it by ourselves; since we had this big celebration with his late father last year, Alek didn’t want to spend it in Petersburg, and since neither of us is religious anyway, there was really no point in celebrating at all. We contemplated about going somewhere warm, when Alek had a sudden idea. He asked,

“Would you want to come somewhere with me, where it is just you and me?”

“Of course”, I replied, but he insisted,

“It will not be like in Prague or Paris.”

I was not sure how exactly he meant it, and the way he said it was somehow intimidating, but I wanted to go. It was a big surprise when he took me to Vladivostok – the end of the world. I was just mesmerised by the view from the manor we stayed in, which was outside the city, directly by the sea. The estate itself is family owned, it is late Mihail’s and his brother Vladimir’s, but since nobody comes here, it looked forlorn, like a fairy tale castle. There are large gardens around and the next neighbours are miles away, and far enough from the city to make you feel like there is no outside world.

And this is what it was like for two weeks. Just Alek and I, all the time. We were in Vladivostok twice, once so he could show me around a bit, I was curious about how it looked, and of course to buy groceries. Apart from that, we were by ourselves. It was a very new experience of intimacy, something I not only had never felt before, but I had no idea of the possibility of such a feeling. I loved every minute of it, and Alek wanted to stay for longer.

We wandered around the snow-covered park-esque gardens, laid in front of the huge fireplace for hours, and we talked. We talked about things we had never talked about before, to anyone. We shared every inch of ourselves. He played many plays on the beautiful piano in the parlour to me.
The one time we bought groceries in the city, we also bought firewood to heat the fireplace. Alek spent the whole evening and afternoon outside in the freezing cold, chopping the wood. He told me to stay inside, and I watched his breath rising as blueish smoke into the steely sky while his hair was wet from sweat in his neck. He didn’t even stop the work to smoke, but continued hacking with a cigarette in the corner of his mouth. He was finished when it was already dusk and came in, drenched, his body stiff, and his hands full of weals. I undressed him and ran a bath for him, which we prolonged for hours. We barely talked; somehow, without words, we both had found it wasn’t necessary to say anything; it was simply beautiful.

I've mentioned S in a number of posts, she was here for my birthday, as well as last December's New Year's crazyness. It's always so much fun with her. All of that, despite the fact that her mother was suffering from cancer.

S is one of the best people I know, and the best friend a person could ever have. I've known her all through gymnasium, that's about 9 years now, and even though I've known L, M and E since kindergarten, I was closer with S. We did all of the stupid stuff one does in his life, at 12, 14, 17, 18 ... whatever crazy thing came along, S and I never missed the opportunity to make complete fools of ourselves. When nobody was laughing about a stupid thing in class, S and I were totally cracking up. We were the class clowns. On days when we both weren't at school, our classmates would say, "Thank God you're back, we were dying from boredom."
No matter how old we were, we stayed goofy and stupid and just easy to entertain. We never bailed on each other, not on an exam, and not when one was drunk and trying to drive. Not when S was in hospital for some months or when she thought about quitting school, and not when I was preparing to leave without telling, or when I got married.
Not only has S helped with the usual things kids or teens screw up and still stick together, but she rescued me more than once from some grown-up mess I had created.


I remember when, last August, she phoned me and said, "Lara, my mum has cancer." They had just diagnosed it, it was already in an advanced stage, they knew she wouldn't make it. Still, they gave her time, some 2 years.

During the time S' mother was at home, S took care of her. S is in nursing school, so after school, after work at the hospital, she'd drive home (she doesn't live at home, but with her boyfriend) and look after not only her mother, but her grandmother, who was ill too, as well. Her grandmother died in September.

At some point S' mother was transferred to the hospital because it was getting worse. S didn't talk about it so often, she'd say "She's better", or, "She's worse". She handled it well.
S never really got along with her mother, quite like me. We are very alike in some points. Yet, as her parents had never lived with each other, and she grew up at her mother's, she also didn't have her father to turn to, who lives some 90km away and whom she saw about once a month, at the most.

S visited her mother in hospital quite every day. She knew it would eventually happen, yet she cannot grasp it.

Today she told me the past 3 weeks have been so awful. Of course she still hasn't comprehended it, but on the other hand, it's almost a relief, as her mother was terribly suffering the past weeks. S was visiting her every single day, her mum was just screaming and moaning, she couldn't talk at all for a while now. At times S just stayed half an hour, as she couldn't bear it anymore. Now it's over.

"You know it will happen, soon perhaps", she said, "But when it does, it's too soon. It is just too soon."

We were all horrified when we learnt about it. The funeral is Thursday or Friday, S doesn't know for sure yet. I'm going home on Tuesday after a seminar I am more or less obliged to attend, to see if I can help and to talk to her. My schedule is probably the most liberal one, but E is changing shifts, M will take off, R is heading home Wednesday, and L sees if she can attend the funeral and make it to a lecture the same day. Alek will be picking the guys up on Thursday and coming too.

I am much remembered of the time Alek's father died ... It always is incomprehensible when it happens. When I was on the phone with E today, she reminded me of around this time last year when a friend (no close friend) of us died, being run over by a train.

Tomorrow I have two lectures, one of which I think I'll skip to go to Meinl to buy Christmas gifts for family friends as I promised to my parents ... and complete some essays and papers ... so strange thinking about such mundane things right now, when I've just talked to S who was speaking about the funeral.

Time flies, and so does life.

Ohh, it’s been a month again? I can’t believe how fast time flies by. There’s been so much to do for uni lately, at least once a week I have a mild panic attack when picturing all the upcoming deadlines and exams.

It’s been snowing in Vienna for the past two or three days, it’s cold and dark all the time. Thinking about last year, I’m so glad things have changed, I don’t know if I could go through the depression again. Right now I’m sitting in bed, curled up in blankets, with a steaming tea kettle beside me on the nightstand. From the windows I can see the snow flurry and I’m so glad I don’t have to go anywhere today, as it’s my day off hehe :)

I can’t think of any relevant events lately, things have just been easy and smooth and plain boring haha! But to not leave you without anything about Alek (because this is why you guys come over, right? ;) ) just some short stories.

Every day I feel more couple-y, it’s still so unusual, I’m very used to be on my own, so I don’t know which things to do and which not. For instance, there was this issue recently ... at night I realised I just got my period (ehm) and there wasn’t any tampax to be found anywhere. I was in the bathroom, and kind of over challenged there, it had never happened to me, as I usually make sure I got it stocked ... how silly is that, as if I was 13 lol! Out of despair, I called for Alek and asked him if he could quickly buy some. He had a good laugh and went to the shop. I was so embarrassed, but when I randomly told the story at coffee with friends, S said her boyfriend, with whom she lives, has to do that regularly, it’s kind of a chore already :D That happened to you before?

Or, shortly after that, I unexpectedly stumbled over a spider in the kitchen. I’m terrified by spider, really really terrified, it’s a real phobia. I shrieked, as I haven’t found one in a long time – I’ve never even seen a fly in our apartment, let alone this – and Alek came in to see what happened. I showed him the spider (it wasn’t even large ... gosh) and he took care of it. So girly! And again, really embarrassing! Just like out of a comedy movie, if the guy wasn’t there, how would she survive? Ha ha.

Last week I fell ill, I had a headache all Monday, and at night I was suddenly so cold, I was shaking and my teeth chattered, it was so weird. I put on my huge woollen socks, randomly grabbed a pajama from underneath the sheets and buried myself in three blankets. I was still cold, and before I fell asleep I thought, am I dying? Hahaha. I had gone to bed way before Alek got home, so when he wanted to sleep too, he spent a while looking for his pajamas, then whispered, “Lara, are you wearing my pajamas?” – “I have no idea”, I muttered, then folded back the blanket and said, “Take them! I can’t move, I’ll freeze.” I was too tired to think. I felt his hand on my skin. “You have a fever”, he said, then undressed, and slipped under the covers, his arms entwining me firmly. “I’ll make you warm.” It did make me warm, but when I eventually woke up in the middle of the night, I was sweating and threw off all the clothes and blankets. The next day I stayed in bed, and Alek fetched strong tea with a good splash of vodka (secret Russian recipe thehe). I stayed in on Wednesday and in the evening it was much better. On Thursday, all wrapped up, I went to university again.

As I had problems with my laptop again, Aleksandr saved my files on his external, formatted my hard drive, and re-installed the system all over again, put up my programmes again, and so on ... I was touched! Nobody had ever done that, it’s such annoying work, I can hardly get up to do it myself! It was simply wonderful :)

We spent the recent weekends in, only shortly walked to the Christkindlmarkt perhaps, gazing at all the lights in the streets, got ourselves a whole cake or pie, or both, and spent the following days inside, enjoying sleeping and staying in bed. Alek has revealed a surprise a few weeks ago – he bought a huge tv for the bedroom! When he showed it to me, I was speechless, it was a dream coming true. I was giggly and overjoyed, and Alek laughed, saying the guys at work had told him I was going to rip his head off when he ‘came clean’ about the tv, but he knew I wouldn’t react like that. I told him the only thing missing was a Playstation for the bedroom, and realised I’d sadly never be as glamorous as Carrie, who was shocked by Mr Big’s present. At 20, I’m probably going to stay this way.

It is all the opposite from last year. I remember walking home at dusk, feeling miserable, especially facing the Holidays, and afraid of the future. Now I enjoy the Christmas lightings and decorations on Kärtner street when walking home, stopping somewhere to get dinner, and wait for Alek to come home. It’s fun awaiting him with a ‘Welcome home from work, hun’ drink and talk about the day over spare ribs or duck sweet-and-sour. I wouldn’t want it to be any other way.


So that’s it! Really really senseless and mundane. I guess there won’t be much to write about in the near future, I have to concentrate on uni work the next two weeks, then I have off for Christmas holidays and go home for a few days, then Alek has off too and we’ll see if we’ll go to Russia for the holidays or lock ourselves up in the cosy apartment.

What are you guys up to? I’d really like to know what you’re doing, what your plans for Christmas are and so on :)

There hasn’t been anything going on lately, yet I’ve been quite busy, thus hadn’t time to update properly. Usually when I say ‘I haven’t had time’, it’s more of a ‘I was too lazy!’ because I just am way too lazy. Now I’m really busy with university – a new feeling haha. I’m very lucky, since none of my lectures starts early morning, but Alek and my schedules don’t really work together, he gets up before me and has just left when I get up, and I’m still at university when he comes home. After the first two weeks, he had joked, “Quit that stuff already, I don’t see you at all.” Still, I’m very happy with how things are now; I like what I’m doing and I’ve already met new people—the best part is going for a drink after the 9pm lecture :)

So I’ve had a great month so far, and the last weekend was the greatest ever!

I spent the October 23nd weekend at home in the country, since it was my friend’s E’s birthday on Monday and we all had dinner at a splendid Mexican restaurant on Saturday; we celebrated both our birthdays like we always did as we’re only two days apart (E is 48 hours older than I :D) and went out afterwards. Since I had off on Tuesday I stayed longer and went back to Vienna on Wednesday, my birthday. I spent most of the day at university and when I came home, Alek surprised me with a huge cake and beautiful present :) I was very happy with only us two celebrating quietly that night, I had received texts and messages with birthday wishes, but didn’t see any of the guys since we said we’d have a celebration on Friday.

Friday then I had invited the guys to the Burgtheater to see Richard II (I had received free tickets from the faculty, free stuff is awesome :D), but we left early for a little pre-party at Alek’s and my place before going out later. At the apartment I was surprised by two friends who had come to Vienna just for the birthday bash—they had arranged this so I would have no idea and had even contacted Alek so they wouldn’t have to wait somewhere else until we came from the theatre (no idea where they had his phone number from haha!). Natalia and Gavriel had also come and we all had an amazing evening with lots of drinks and good conversations ;) We all went out together – including Gavriel, Natalia, and, yes, Alek – and it turned out Aleksandr had even reserved a private lounge in a club ... we had so much fun and I was so happy my friends got to really meet Alek and his siblings and was incredibly glad when I noticed how well they got along. I had never been out with Alek before and I enjoyed being with him around other people, seeing a totally new side of him.

It was early morning when we came home, and most of the guys slept at our place in the guest rooms. Somewhere early afternoon we all finally managed to get up, Alek and Gavriel had fetched a huge breakfast and we all sat around the large dining table for hours, laughing and recapping the night. The guys who came to Vienna for the party decided to stay longer and the evening was spent calmly in a pub. Sunday then Aleksandr invited everyone to a grand dinner and after several courses, bottles of wine and pretty desserts alongside alcohol-drowned coffee, the weekend was over and the guys went home. They said a big thank you for the holiday, and when I looked confused, they commented our place was the best hotel they’ve ever been at—beautiful rooms, tons of channels and free WLAN, a beautiful view, air-conditioned, fresh towels and sheets every day, entertainment and spa features, luxury soaps, crèmes, shampoos, lotions and all inclusive; not only three meals a day, but meals whenever one wants, as often as one wants, and happy hour all day long, plus free stuff hotels don’t offer, like borrowing shoes or purses or clothes—only thing they wouldn’t take the bath robes with them as they’d usually do when staying in a hotel. I laughed so hard at this description.

It surely was the greatest birthday I have ever had. I’ve never considered birthdays – especially mine – being very special, and there never was a big deal about it, but I definitely enjoyed the 3-day-festivities :) More than anything I was so unbelievably happy how great everyone got along; one of my friends told me, in private, that she, and everybody, was so shocked when I returned from the summer holidays with a husband; I had imagined it would be very strange for the others but since nobody addressed it I didn’t spend much thought on it, now I realised it must have been so weird and that I should have explained it a bit more, at least make something up to calm them down. Now she told me she was sure Alek was perfect for me. When I laughed and asked her how she knew, she just said, ‘It’s so obvious’ and I was very grateful.

Alek’s running joke was, “My wife is almost of legal age.” Trying to convince him I became legal two years ago were in vain, he said he’d only accept I wasn’t a minor when I become twenty-one, smirking.

Gavriel told me he had given up on persuading Aleksandr to come along drinking long ago, and that he had never seen him enjoying himself so much. I guessed Alek hadn’t had as much fun as it seemed but that he was so polite to pretend, but anyway, I was very happy to hear so.

It had been a terrific weekend, but I enjoyed the following quiet Monday so much. It was a holiday, and we slept late. In the morning, still in bed, I said,

“I love them so much, but after a three day marathon I love them even more when they’re at their places.”

Alek laughed.

“You enjoyed your birthday?”

“So much. It was the best I’ve ever had. Thank you so much.”

“You don’t have to thank me.”

“No? You spent three days straight with a bunch of crazy girls! You were so nice to them.”

“Why shouldn’t I? Your friends are a lot of fun. Are their boyfriends not nice to you?”

I laughed.

“They are, but ... they’re different. They’re not like you, I mean ... hmm. They are boys.” I stopped before I said, ‘You are a man’, it would have been so cheesy, but it seemed he had guessed it anyways.

“They are with their girls, and I am with you. I am glad if I could make you happy.”

“You definitely have. It’s not self-evident to have so many people stay over for so long, I hope it didn’t bother you too much.”

“It is self-evident, this is your place just like it is mine.” His fingers lingered on the back of my hand, drawing lines where the veins were. “Listen, I know how cautious you have been all this time, not inviting anybody here and being as quiet as possible to not bother me – but you never bother me, Lara, I want you to feel free to do anything you want, knowing I am more than happy if you are.”

I didn’t know what to say, I was so overwhelmed by everything.

“I want you to be happy, too”, I said quietly.

“I know.” There was silence for a while, a pleasant, intimate one, in which we interlaced our fingers. “I have another present for you Lara.”


Natalia, “He is so gentle with you, I didn’t know he had this inside him. He is like this only around you, Lara.”